So I spend yet another mother's day only being the mother of my dogs. They are pretty awesome, but they are not a child and its just not the same. My week leading up to this mother's day started positive and then ended like a bag of rocks sinking to the bottom of a lake. On Monday I was going to be a mother, on Tuesday that all ended. We were matched with a birth mom and then she made the decision to parent her baby. I guess good for her, but I am sorry for that child. It will grow up never knowing how good its life could have been. I will pray for that birth mom that she will not go back to the drugs, to the controller, to her old way of life for her children's sake.
As I approach 32 at the end of this month I fear I am losing hope that I will ever get to be a mom. People try to say things they think are helpful, but telling me it will happen one day is not helpful. Just be real with me, just say yeah that sucks balls and move on. Maybe I will have a new look on life one day, but today I feel lonely and barren. Maybe next week when all the mother's day crap is put away and not spewing up my Facebook news feed.
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